Secrets to Unshakeable Confidence (2)

This is a continuation in our series: Secrets to Unshakeable Confidence.

2 How to get to Carnegie Hall
“Learn the importance of giving yourself pep talks, and keep the voice in your head positive,” says Kanter. “I’ve observed this in athletes, who talk to themselves before and during competition.

The best athletes’ success is rarely due to raw talent alone. It’s because they’re
simply better prepared.” They stay focused, they’re willing to work as hard as they need to, and they keep the positive voice in their heads switched on. “If I’m going into a meeting feeling rotten— because I have a cold or have had a tough day,” says Kanter, “I make a deliberate effort to not let my bad mood show. I smile and work harder than usual to act positive.

Similarly, if you are having trouble finding confidence in one area of your life, another
way to ‘coach’ yourself is to create confidence in a different area and leverage it. If you walk into a situation smiling because of satisfaction you’ve gotten elsewhere—even something that’s as simple as a book club you’ve joined—you are more likely to provoke a positive response,” Kanter comments. “There’s evidence that these feelings are contagious.” Perhaps the most important aspect of being your own coach is to do what any outside adviser—or a good parent, for that matter—would preach: practice, practice, practice.

Even though Kanter has been a top-gun consultant for years, she admits that she still “almost always over-prepares for lectures,” and suggests that others do the same. Recently she traveled to India to consult with a group of executives. “I had to leave two days early in order to arrive on time,” she says. “Practically all I did for those two days was rehearse. When the flight attendants on the plane spoke to me, I literally didn’t hear them. Whenever I travel for business, I work on the plane, and try to avoid chatting with those around me.”

3 Flying without spoons
Avoid individuals who suck your energy and diminish your confidence. You know who they are: Steer clear of them. Hang out with the people who see you at your best, and remind you about it every so often. Pessimists drag you down, as do whiners and critics. At work especially, stay away from gripe sessions. “If there are legitimate concerns, you should express them, but make it a rule not to complain unless you all agree to try to solve problems,” says Kanter. “Confident people have the sense that they are in control, and can take action that will make things happen.

“I love a story from Continental Airlines,” Kanter adds, “where the boss wanted each employee to help reach the goal of making sure the planes took off on time. One day a flight attendant noticed that they were delayed because the catering department hadn’t provided spoons. She took it upon herself to say, ‘Okay, we’re going to fly anyway, and I’ll explain it to the passengers.’ It’s a small thing that was big: She showed she had the confidence to be in charge because she knew she was surrounded by people who would support her.”

To be Contd at next post.